on grief.

I find myself coming back to the same space again. A space that reminds me of the ‘normalcy’ that I have come to know that is unusual to so many people. Grief has always been an intimate friend, a space of reckoning that I’ve learnt to welcome gladly with open arms. Perhaps there are many who are in grief as a lockdown continues and a pandemic grows to no end, frustrated with the things that no longer will come to pass. I feel like an outsider looking in once more. At grief with grief, watching, perhaps waiting for others to find the revelation that comes from the inside out. A revelation that only comes through intentionality that perhaps so few of us choose to endure.

The greatest point of wisdom perhaps I’ve found through the discomfort that comes with allowing grief to run it’s course is the simple acknowledgement that nothing truly lasts forever. That while it takes immense skill and courage to fight against a nature to shift away from our emotions and feelings, or to look for light in the dark spaces, it isn’t about forcing our experiences. Positivity isn’t always required. Sorrow needs to be felt. There is always light that shines. Sometimes it isn’t in our best interest to find it, yet other times, its the only thing that keeps us accountable to the plan and purpose we choose to engage towards, that comes from a waiting expectancy. In a strange way, grief has taught me to find and cherish joy as it exists fleeting amid sadness and despair. Likewise, it has purposed me to find a wonder within an uncertain frustration that come from things beyond our ultimate control. Grief has become a trusted friend in many a quiet moment. A space perhaps where it has reminded me of things greater than I.

As I sit and watch grief unfold, I am reminded of the love that grows with much intentionality and purpose, to reconcile the spaces we never wish to endure again. As naïve perhaps as it is to say perhaps, that grief can so easily be responsible for the very best parts of love that come to pass. That without lament, perhaps there would not be a full understanding of a joy to come, and as the rain falls on the cloudless sky, grief pours out into a mourning, that is more than just hope for a blue sky, but a new beginning, and a shift in realizing that blue is more than just a colour or space in time.