friendship.
Sometimes the end often is inevitable.
I thought of you the other day, when I went to the museum for the first time in a very long time. It was something we used to do. I could not help but be reminded of you, in Warhol and the space we once inhabited together. I had always been afraid of the intimacy that comes in the familiar space of a friend, and perhaps it was no wonder that my relationships continue to decay with those that I find and hit my stride. You were the very first, in a long time, to remind me that belonging is not conditioned, and that authenticity comes with an unapologetic acceptance of self. You reminded me that the doors are always open, and that sometimes all we need is to walk ourselves through them.
I will always be sorry for the way we ended things, and perhaps out of the worst of my anxiety you took the worst of the sledgehammer. Yet I had always known it to be inevitable, in an oddly endearing way. While we may never meet again, I continue to see the streaks of you in everywhere I go. A colour palate and dye of imprinted yellow that I cannot erase from my being. A reminder that life is what we choose to make of it, and that the very core of ourselves should never be lost or succumbed to the pressure of the world we live in, and that courage to thrive comes in the willingness to laugh at our own inadequacies.
Perhaps it is because of you, that I have learnt the very best of my lessons. My very first friend in a now familiar city. To find with you, a familiar yet tempestuous spirit of adventure. Committed and unapologetic; a reminder that life will always be shorter than we would like to imagine it, that regret comes when we choose to sit on our hands in fear, and that love, does not need a reason, but courage, to go and lead itself through the darkest and dimmest of all spaces. I will always love the spirit of you that remains with me, and reminds me of the 300 Blue-Night to Pearson, an aversion to chopsticks, and an undying love for bananas.
Thank you for trying with me, and I will forever be sorry that I could not keep up with you.