triggered.

The thing with unpacking trauma is that often times you have to dose yourself with small intervals of triggered stress in order to build resilience without triggering a full blown episode.

It’s about giving your body and mind the emotional, physical and psychological safety to walk itself through its learned coping mechanisms which may have once served its purpose to protect, but it now adversely harms your ability to walk yourself through life.

Growing up as a child who has felt abandoned, isolated and unsupported, I find myself running to emotionally unavailable spaces because they were the relationships I had growing up. My attempt to counter that now in adulthood is met with violence from my body in fear, because I am caught between the transition of re-writing old scripts and self-sabotaging certain relationships because of that anxiety.

Today has been one of those days where I feel that if I stop and slow down it will all come down on me. But I know that I need to slow because I have not slowed in two weeks. Such is the courage it takes to heal.

I thank God I have Him along the journey.

Psalm 94:17-19